A QUALIFIED STATEMENT

"Well! we've missed that confounded train. What time will the next one
be here?"
"If the engine doesn't break down, and the track doesn't spread, and
they don't run into any cows, and the up-freight isn't behind time, and
the swing bridge isn't open, it ought to be here in about two hours."
* * *

_The Count:_ "I weesh to marry your daughtaire, saire! I am vorth one
hundred thousand dollaire."
_The Millionaire:_ "But I thought you were a bankrupt."
_The Count:_ "I mean zat I am vorth zat moch _to you_."
* * *

"I suppose your landlord asks a lot for the rent of this place?"
"A lot! He asks me for it nearly every week."
* * *

_Mother_ (_to little girl who had been sent to the hen-house for eggs_):
"Well, dear, were there no eggs?"
_Little Girl:_ "No, mummie, only the one the hens use for a pattern."
* * *

"It's funny that you should be so tall. Your brother, the artist, is
short, isn't he?"
_He_ (_absently_): "Yes, usually."
* * *

_Urchin_ (_contemptuously_): "Huh! Yer mother takes in washin'!"
_Neighbor:_ "Well, yer didn't s'pose she'd leave it hangin' aht
overnight unless your farver was in prison, did yer?"
* * *