NOT WHAT SHE MEANT

She:_ "I am sorry to hear that they have separated. Is there no chance
of their becoming reconciled?"
_He:_ "Oh, they seem to be _quite_ reconciled."
* * *
_He:_ "By the bye, talking of old times, do you remember that occasion
when I made such an awful ass of myself?"
_She:_ "Which?"
* * *
_Jones_ (_who is of an inquiring mind_): "Ain't you getting _tired_ of
hearing people say, 'That is the beautiful Miss Belsize!'?"
_Miss Belsize_ (_a professional beauty_): "Oh, no. I'm getting tired of
hearing people say, 'Is _that_ the beautiful Miss Belsize?'"
* * *
_Mrs. Montague Smart_ (_suddenly, to bashful youth, who has not opened
his lips since he was introduced to her a quarter of an hour ago_): "And
now let us talk of something else!"
* * *
_Mamma:_ "It's very late, Emily. Has anybody taken you down to supper?"
_Fair Debutante_ (_who has a fine healthy appetite_): "Oh, yes,
Mamma--several people!"
* * *

_Guest:_ "Well, good-bye, Old Man!--and you've really got a very nice
little place here!"
_Host:_ "Yes; but it's rather bare, just now. I hope the trees will have
grown a good bit before you're back, Old Man!"
* * *

_She:_ "No! I can't give you another dance. But I'll introduce you to
the prettiest girl in the room!"
_He:_ "But I don't _want_ to dance with the prettiest girl in the room.
I want to dance with _you_!"
* * *

"I warn you, Sir! The discourtesy of this bank is beyond all limits. One
word more and I--I withdraw my overdraft."
* * *

_Wife_ (_at upper window_): "Where you bin this hour of the night?"
"I've bin at me union, considerin' this 'ere strike."
"Well--you can stay down there an' consider this 'ere lock-out."
* * *

_Motor-Launch Officer_ (_who has rung for full-speed without result_):
"What's the matter?"
_Voice-from below:_ "One of the cylinders is missing, Sir."
_Commander:_ "Well, look sharp and find the bally thing--we want to get
on."
* * *

_Mother:_ "Did you remember to pray for everybody, dear?"
_Daughter:_ "Well, Mummy, I prayed for you, but Jack prayed for Daddy.
He's looking after him just now."